As the holiday season started, I found myself thinking – sorry, Hallmark – where are the Christmas Movies for Men?
Yes, I’m a Michigan fan. No, I am not trashing the Buckeye football program. As I watched the season’s swell of advertisements for ‘Christmas’ movies, I found myself thinking – sorry, Hallmark – where are the Christmas Movies for Men? While it is the case in life that Guy does want to meet Girl while overcoming road blocks to live a truer, more sparkling, addedly unerring life, but couldn’t there be a little more testosterone while that plot is unfolding?
In a time when we summon testosterone to shout our rivals down, my Christmas inspiration is not that my team makes a mockery of their team, but a story often retold in America: my champion has found its way after a long spell of stumbling failures – and equally that, after the game, some red and blue jerseys embraced each other as colleagues in a common enterprise.
This year, my wife has joked that I should watch some Christmas movies with her. ‘I’ve never really watched one,’ she announced recently. Even though we jested about Christmas movies being predictable and more sweet than real, after watching a couple my wife told me ‘they really aren’t that bad.’
Although this year I have yet to watch one, I have in the past. In fact, yes, they can be well written and well made. They touch that part of us that wants to sort out conflict, persevere, and find connection with someone else in life. Hallmark is premiering 40 new Christmas movies this year, one whose title I reluctantly find intriguing: Three Wise Men and a Baby. I keep wondering how the writers might mingle the popular film Three Men and Baby with the visitation by the Magi to the manger. I suspect I would find it clever and disappointing at the same time.
Note: Hallmark’s New Christmas Movies
BTW, Hallmark is releasing 40 new Christmas movies this Fall. Yes, Fall. The first premiered on Friday, October 21st. Hallmark Christmas Movie Calendar 2022: The Full Schedule – TV Guide
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As my wife and I jested about the growing overload of Christmas movies, it occurred to me that it would be fun to create a spoof series of Christmas Movies for Men. At least the promotions. Based on this first poster, you can guess when the idea occurred to me: soon after the Michigan vs. Ohio State game. You can then question why it took me so long to release this same first poster. I proceeded to spend way – way – way too much time putting it together in the application Procreate. I blame the hoofprints. I had to make them believable, of course! Figure out the indentation pattern and stride tracking. Nope, no perfectionism here. (I do also work a regular job and live an ongoing life.)
So don’t take the fact that I have released this image so long after the parade is over to indicate that I am grabbing for a chance to mock a loser. Go ahead and point a finger at me for lousy creative timing, but not as justification to mock an adversary. The fact is that, without all that the Ohio State program has achieved in this millennium, the Wolverines would not be the second seed in the college football playoffs today. Even if the Wolverines continue their recent high level of play, they won’t beat the Buckeyes every game this decade. I planned to be well into a series of ‘Christmas Movies for Men’ posters by now, but I’m the one who has woefully underperformed, not Ohio State. Please go back to the caption that I posted with this image – ‘substitute your own rival’.
America is about respect for rivals, not ridicule. The Christmas romance plot often features a rival whom the protagonist must evaluate out, a contender who starts as the favorite but is found to be boring, ill matched, or even conniving. The story of our America began when the first immigrants, the European pilgrims sought a better life in a new world. After they wrestled independence from their homeland, they found themselves struggling under our initial Constitution (The Articles of Confederation) to pay the large national war debt, encourage trade between states with a common currency, and even to pass any national laws. Delegates met in the Constitutional Convention of 1787 to address these shortcomings. Like Michigan vs Ohio State, participants were sometimes very much at odds and wanted their side to win. As has occurred in the Buckeye – Wolverines rivalry, each side got their way in some cases and had to give in others. Unlike the Christmas romance, however, they did not dispense with the rival. In the end, they came together around a common core: promote a way of life where all have a chance to play in the same game on the same field.
At root, our contest is not about wearing masks, what pronouns people use, or how bad crime is. It’s that Putin or Xi do not have the authority in our country to send us to be forgotten in prison. That leaders are not allowed to use force to silence discussion. We do disagree over how to run our nation, sometimes at a rivalry fever pitch. But we need to remember first that we are all playing the same sport, which is sustaining our freedom. Our disagreements are about details: what plays to call, what defense to use, and which players to put in the game. Not what contest we engage in, the possibility of all to have opportunity instead of tyranny.
I do revel in the fact that Michigan has finally showed in this rivalry after a long spell of poor finishes. But in this Christmas story I respect what Ohio State has done on the field and long for Americans to recall what we have in common. On Twitter and Facebook, and in campaign speeches and press conferences. Hollering at each other alone from the top of a hill is not what got us here. Ukraine would love to move next to the United States. So would Taiwan. And Hong Kong. Even soldiers in the Russian army.
Take this first poster in Christmas Movies for Men for what it is: a funny and fumbling attempt. Don’t treat it as ammunition to use against a particular program. Except for a handful who would dispense with the Constitution, most of the leaders we disagree with are still at their heart compatriots. To keep our story going, we need to stop hooting at them and honestly discuss what we need to do better to preserve our way of opportunity.
Feuding founders John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on July 4, hours apart | CNN
10 reasons why America’s first constitution failed | Constitution Center
Epilogue
If you review Michigan’s victory over Ohio State, it was closer than the final score suggests. With Michigan leading 31 – 23, Ohio drove to the Michigan 9 yard line. On third down, C. J. Stroud’s threw a pass to Cade Stover that Sainristil barely stretched in to knock away. Add 12 inches any way you want and the Buckeyes score 7 to pull within 1 point at 31 -30. Michigan counters with its own touchdown to increase its lead to 38 – 30. Ohio State again moves the ball on Michigan, going 59 yards. Stroud, trying desperately to punch the ball into the end zone, heaves a ball that the Wolverines easily pick off. If the Buckeyes can protect a little better, they get 7 and again trail by only one point, 38 – 37. Or go for a 2 point conversion and potential tie. At that point they likely are fired up and the game is anyone’s for the taking. To again play my broken record, I respect what Ohio State did on the field in the big game.
To me, Michigan’s play was more dominating in 2021. This year, the Wolverines made the big plays while the Buckeyes did not. If Ohio State can beat Georgia, they would enter the championship game brimming with confidence. Should Michigan defeat TCU to also reach the final, they would face a colossal challenge trying to defeat the Buckeyes a second time in two months. Although I suggest that their win on November 26th was not decisive, neither was it a fluke. Beating Ohio State in a rousing championship, which they could do, would be a fitting way to culminate an accomplished season.